As promised, here are the answers to your SEX QUESTIONS from last Sunday's message "The Best Sex Ever" pt. 3, The 7-Day Sex Challenge.
Although we answered some of your text messages during the worship service on Sunday, March 15th, we still had several questions that could not be answered within the hour. And so, the ones we didn't get to are now answered here and posted on our blogs and website. We hope you find this helpful.
Q: If married, is flirting bad?
A: Not if you’re flirting with your spouse. Flirting with your spouse is highly encouraged. In fact, it is true that women are like crock pots, but men are like microwaves. So men…get the crock pot started early with lots of flirting.
All other flirting outside the marriage is inappropriate. If you are tempted to flirt with someone who is not your spouse you should pour that energy into your relationship with your spouse. Flirting is the first step toward adultery or great sex with your spouse. See Proverbs 4:25, Prov. 7, Matt. 5:28 (applies to husbands and wives)
Q: What should we single people do for the next 7 days? (referring to the 7 Day Sex Challenge I gave to married couples which was for married couples to have sex each day or as much as possible for seven days).
A: The same thing you should do for the 7 after that. No sex until marriage (for further study listen to pt.1 of Best Sex Ever). Also, be praying for God to bring the right one into your life and make sure you use the parameters I gave for single people in part three of “The Best Sex Ever” when I talked about how to Recognize a Potential Mate. Click here for the listen to the message http://www.sevensdchurch.com/sermon/pt-3-the-best-sex--ever/
Q: How much viagra is too much?
A: If you have an erection that lasts longer than four hours you should see your doctor.
Q: Is masturbation ok in marriage? What does the Bible say about it?
A: If agreed to by both husband and wife as part of the sexual “fun” and arousal in bed YES, it is ok. If it’s something apart from the husband and wife’s fun time in bed it could become lustful with thoughts of others (thus committing adultery according to Jesus) and extremely selfish. The Bible says nothing about masturbation, but plenty about looking out for the needs of your spouse before your own 1 Corinthians 7:3-4, Hebrews 13:4, 1Peter 3:7.
Q: Is porn ok inside of marriage?
A: It is not OK, it enters “others” into the marriage bed, is Orgie “esque” and leads to deeper darker sexual misconduct. Even if both husband and wife agree it still is sinful in the sight of God and degrading and demeaning to both husband and wife. It brings lust to a whole new level and is an extremely difficult habit to break. If you are struggling with this please visit xxxchurch.com
Usually it is the husband requesting this and the wife may begrudgingly go along with it at first. Often the husband will start to see his wife as less and less valuable and unable to compete with what he is seeing on the television or computer. He is falling into Satan’s trap and continuing to devalue his bride by comparing her to the women he is seeing in the porn. This is the beginning of the end of The Best Sex Ever between the husband and wife. Radical steps must be taken to cleanse themselves of this and move forward in their sexual relationship without porn. It’s a long road some have made it, many have not.
Q: Can or will God bless a gay marriage?
A: The short answer is no, because it goes against what God has already said about homosexuality. If you would like to listen to a message I gave recently about homosexuality and marriage please click the link http://www.sevensdchurch.com/sermon/txt-pt-4-what-does-the-txt-say-about-being-gay/
However, all people whether believers or not, homosexual or not, experience what is called “common grace” and experience God’s blessings of living on earth, experiencing sunshine, rain, good days and bad…that is common to all humanity and in that case…a blessing.
Q: What about 1 Corinthians 7:14 where the unbelieving husband will be sanctified through his wife and vise verse?
A: This is a very interesting situation. The context is that Paul is talking to married couples where one person has become a believer and the other has not. Understand, they are already married and one has decided to be a Christian, the other has not. This is not a situation of a believer deciding to marry and unbeliever. We know from Scripture that this is forbidden by God (2 Corinthians 6:14-15).
He says that the unbelieving husband or wife is “sanctified” through the believing spouse. The question had come up in the Corinthian church about believers being “contaminated” by their unbelieving husbands or wives. By contamination I mean their sin and unbelief.
Paul makes the distinction and says that the believing husband or wife is not being contaminated with the bad or sin of the unbelieving husband or wife but the unbelieving husband or wife is being “contaminated” by the good or holiness of the believing husband or wife. He says they are being sanctified through their marital bond because of their faith in Christ.
Something very mystical and real happens when the two become one. It is more than just skin on skin. That’s why God considers sexual sin more serious than other sins (1Cor. 6:18-20). It is a unification of both body and soul.
It does not mean the unbelieving spouse is admitted to heaven upon death without confessing Christ, but it does mean that the believing spouse does not need to worry about being affected spiritually through an unbelieving spouse, rather the unbelieving spouse is being affected spiritually through the believing spouse. Their “holiness” or “goodness” is being “caught” by the unbelieving spouse when “the two become one.”
Q: Do I have to do premarital counseling?
A: If you would like myself or one of the other pastors at Seven San Diego church to marry you the answer is YES. You will need to do pre-marital counseling. It usually lasts 4-6 weeks for an hour per session with homework and life skills lessons that will give you a head start in your marriage. Believe me, you don’t want to miss out on pre-marital. I once had a guy give me a hard time about pre-marital counseling saying, “I’ve been married three times, I don’t need this stuff!”
Whether you’ve been married before or not YOU NEED PRE-MARITAL COUNSELING.
Q: Is oral sex ok?
YES. Again, in the marriage bed, it is all good between the two of you.
Q: Where in the Bible does it say that premarital sex is a sin/wrong?
A: The Bible refers to premarital sex as “fornication” in some of the older translations of Scripture such as the King James Version (KJV), New American Standard Bible (NASB) etc. More modern translations preferred the words “Sexually Immoral” or “Adultery.”
Below is a list of the verses from both the Old and New Testament where the Bible says pre-marital sex is a sin/wrong using the words fornication, sexually immoral and adultery.
1Cor. 5:9 1Cor. 5:11 1Cor. 6:9 Heb. 12:16 Heb. 13:4 Rev. 21:8 Rev. 22:15
For Further Study
2Chronicles 21:11 Isaiah 23:17 Ezekiel 16:26 Ezekiel 16:29 Matt. 5:32 Matt. 19:9 John 8:41
Acts 15:20 Acts 15:29 Acts 21:25 Rom. 1:29 1Cor. 5:1 1Cor. 6:13 1Cor. 6:18
1Cor. 7:2 1Cor. 10:8 2Cor. 12:21 Gal. 5:19 Eph. 5:3 Col. 3:5 1Th. 4:3 Jude 7
Rev. 2:14 Rev. 2:20 Rev. 2:21 Rev. 9:21 Rev. 14:8 Rev. 17:2 Rev. 17:4 Rev. 18:3 Rev. 18:9 Rev. 19:2
Q: What are some examples of clear boundaries that help in relationships?
A: Clearly stated boundaries in relationships are key to healthy relationships. The problem is most people don’t take the time to communicate when concerning boundaries. Don’t wait for the other person to talk about boundaries, you take the responsibility.
The reality is you will be more respected and appreciated if you clearly state your boundaries. I’m not saying on the first words out of your mouth to your date are, “We’re not doing this, this, or this, nor are we going here, here, or there!” When the time is right discuss it, but don’t wait too long.
Let’s take dating as an example. When you do discuss boundaries here are some guidelines. Boundaries should be clear that you won’t be alone in the dark, late at night, when no one else is around. Why? Very simply…temptation. Boundaries will help you stay pure before God as you walk toward marriage.
Boundaries help you have a plan when you’re dating. You will either go by your plans or your glands. If you’re in the back seat and it’s getting hot and heavy…it’s too late…you’re going by your glands. If you’ve discussed boundaries and agreed you won’t ever get in the back seat, nor go to a dark, private place with no accountability, no friends, just the two of you, then your boundaries will help you stay pure.
Other boundaries include no “sleepovers” or “I’m just going to sleep on the floor.” Why? The Bible says to avoid the appearance of evil. You may have the best intentions but it sure looks like you’re sleeping with her or him. The only thing people know is that your car was there all night. They don’t know you slept on the floor. And, besides, the temptation that’s just down the hallway is too great a trap.
